MOURNING

After more than a year of waiting and hoping and reaching out I've realized that I have to come to grips with the reality of losing my daughter and her family. I have hoped and pretended that it will change, that she will once again be a part of my life but time has proven me wrong. I am so sad that it physically hurts. I have put off and put off mourning for this lose but I can do that no longer. I have to let myself mourn. It feels so horrible though. It seems the lose is too great.

Tomorrow we plan on going and getting all of the lumber for the back deck. It will be off the dining room door. We are also going to be picking up new baby chicks. 5 guineas, 5 turkeys, 5 hens.

I had been looking forward to doing this but now all I want to do is curl up and cry and the pain to just go away.