True Meaning of Christmas

It is really Christmas this year. I don't feel the need for lots of presents given or a lot of anything really. I just feel thankful. I have so many blessings and the most I believe are the family that love me and just the love I feel in my heart. The cold weather, the privacy and beauty that is our farm and home here, the slow progress of building our dream here is such a joyful thing to me right now. A little over a month ago I found myself not wanting to live anymore and wound up in ICU and then an acute care unit for a few days and I have no memory of how I got there or any of the ICU stay, just gone, no memory. I felt at first scared that there was no memory of it but something happened that was an incredible enlightening moment for me. I WANT TO LIVE. I am strong, I am a good person and I am thankful that I have the opportunity to live. I have had so very many horrible things happen to me this past year and as this year ends so does all the bad stuff that happened. I am closing the book on 2007 with pleasure and assurance that 2008 will be an incredible year with many things to look forward to. I want to continue losing weight and get that last 44 pounds off and to get physically stronger, more so than I am now. My arthritis makes for some really painful days but I have many more good days than painful days than I have had for years.

I seem to have lost a daughter, son-in-law and 2 grandchildren but I cannot dwell on that, I have an incredible last half of my life to live and I am going to do that and just remember all the love that I do have in my life. Maybe some Christmas all of my children and grandchildren and Clay and I will be together to celebrate and cook and wrap and unwrap presents all together in the same place but for now I am a very blessed lady who is thankful for what she has.

I had to stop and wipe away the tears that flow from my eyes but I am glad I have this blog and I hope that everyone that reads it that knows me realizes how much I appreciate them and how much they mean to me.