Thoughful Snowy Saturday

Woke up this morning to the ground all covered with a dusting of snow. Then about 15 mins. ago it started snowing and at first just really lightly, you could hardly tell that it was snowing but now bigger and bigger flakes and lots of them. The ground is nice and frozen so what is falling will stay for awhile. There is just something about snow that is so mesmerizing but maybe what it is, is the fact that it is so special because it doesn't come very often. The Christmas time this year has made me really miss Erin. I would love to have her here for a little while to share the holiday with. I can only hope that some day Angela and her family will be a part of our holidays. It is really hard to have family that you love so much to pull away with no explanation, they are just gone. I've reached out and reached out but I am obviously not what they want in a mom or a family? Don't know and maybe that is the hardest part, not sure. In a family each of us have our own ways of being and doing and all of us have our imperfections but in a real family there has to be tolerance and acceptance and to love one another in spite of our frailties. The end of the year has always been such a time for me to think about and assess my life and this is the first year in a long time that I have felt like I am worth something, that I am strong and can get through whatever comes my way. It is also a time that makes me want to hold my family close and give out love and get love from them. I want for all my family and friends to know just how important and special they are to me in their own unique ways, their unique beings. I don't think I have been so excepting of others as much as I have during this past year. I was already changing and getting there and then this past year and all it's ups and downs have made me realize how much I am blessed with. I will never be able to thank Erin, Drew and Frances enough for their support this last year. If not for them I wouldn't be here any longer but they showed me how loved I was and how much worth that I was to them and it got me through the worst time ever. I love all of you and look forward to a new year and new joys.