Looking Forward

Really looking forward to New Year's Eve. At first thought Clay had to work but we found out today that he does not. We have our fireworks and are planning on setting them off tomorrow. Alex should enjoy it and building a fire and roasting marshmallows, or mawmawos as Alex calls them. Clay and I are just going to spend the New Years holiday enjoying each other and our time together. Looking forward to the new year and all the wonders that it will hold. Making plans for our garden, new animals and getting a big porch on the front and a big deck on the back. Lots of new projects and activities for this next year. I AM BLESSED.

Presents

I think that the best present that I could ever get for any holiday is my family and the love that they give me. As for material things my 2 favorite things are, Frances and Drew got me a key chain that I had been wanting for the last 2 yrs. It is a beautiful silver key ring with an attachment that has pearl inlay and on one side in beautiful engraved script that says, "Nana" and the other side is engraved with, "Isabella, John, Alexander" I love it. Also Clay bought me a remote control massage machine it is small and compact and has different types of massages and it attached with wires and small pads. It is a lot like a TENS unit. The nicest thing about the gift is that he thought of it himself and I was in no way able to guess what it was. It wasn't a cheap gift either and it just made Christmas day that much more special. I am having a hard time though, unable to not think about this time last year and the memories are something that I don't want and would like to never remember but at least I am not letting it get to me the way I used to let things. I am sad for the loses of so many different things. Betrayal and the lose of faith and trust are the hardest. But a new year is upon me and many many more wonderful times to make new memories of and be able to think of next year at this time.

Christmas Day

Well Clay got home from work last night and played Santa. Alex got to look out the front window and see Santa standing in front of the house waving really big. He ran to the door and let Santa inside. He even sat on Santa's lap to open his present, but would not look him in the eye. He did not catch on to the fact that it was Pappy but he did notice that Santa and Pappy had the same boots. Then Santa went next door to the neighbors to give them baked breads and cookies. This was a wonderful Christmas. Last Christmas I sat here alone so that Clay could fly to Utah and Drive Angela and her family back here to live, as they were having a hard time then. Erin called this morning and talked with everyone and that was soooo very nice. Almost as good as her being here. Maybe next year we can be together.

Drew and his usual carefully opening presents. It is such a family tradition I would be disappointed if he did it any other way.

The aftermath. Christmas certainly hit this living room.

Alex's new SPURS outfit.

Even Frances got a SPURS shirt this year.

Christmas Eve

Yesterday the 23rd was spent baking. Baked Banana-Nut bread, Pumpkin bread and Pecan Sandies cookies. Then all of us watched our traditional movie, "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" with Chevy Chase. We still laugh at all the funny parts and Clay and Drew would say most of the dialogue before it was said on screen. Alex liked certain parts also. It was a nice day.

Today has started off with making my traditional "Hot Cranberry Punch" the house smells so good. Clay and Frances are making "Chewy Chocolate Candy Cane" cookies as I write this. Clay is going to take some punch to work with him this afternoon and then tonight after he gets home from work, Santa will be coming to visit Alex. This morning I made up a Christmas sack for our mailman. He is so nice to us and it is always a pleasure to see and visit with him. He has a guinea hen that is all alone on his farm and he is going to bring it here to live with our guineas. We gave him half a loaf of banana-nut and half a loaf of pumpkin bread and half a dozen of our fresh hen eggs.

Will write more after all the festivities of tonight and tomorrow.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, I LOVE YOU ALL

Nothing Much

Not much going on. Loving the cold, listening to Alex point at the presents and say, "open, open" Santa will come and visit Christmas Eve and even Clay has Christmas Day off. Well we have had the worst time with the tree this year. Actually both trees. Only a few days of having the little one in my room that the colored lights on it stopped working. All the white lights work and so I didn't fix it and after some time I realized just how much I have to have colored lights on my tree. Then the big one in the living room. AH, poor thing. Between 2 cats and Alex I don't think it had much of a chance. The bottom 3 rows of popcorn have become less and less almost daily and all askew on the tree, then Alex's fascination with the ornaments. I guess he figured, "hey good idea, put up a big green thing and put little toys for me all over it" He has quit taking ornaments off but most of them have been hung higher up on the tree. Then a couple of days ago all the lights went out except for the bottom part of the tree. Clay was able to get the next layer of lights to come on last night but there are so many many lights and such a big tree it is hard to find the original problem. THEN a few days ago Alex decided, "hey, look at those things hanging from the fireplace" I had put one stocking stuffer in each stocking and he had a few minutes alone and pulled one of the stockings down and took the present out of it and ran and hide under the open door of the dishwasher. He was found laying under the dishwasher door with the present in one hand and the stocking in the other. He is so funny. It is like watching the world's dummest criminal in history. Sort of like an ostrich, if I stick my head in the sand no one will see me.

Drew learned one of the lessons all parents eventually learn last night. Frances and Alex went to Springfield and spent the day at the stores and so after work they all went shopping. At this one place Alex saw a vintage stuffed Donkey Kong and he loved it and when they tried to leave he had to put it back but every time they took it away he would cry and they couldn't believe how he JUST HAD TO HAVE IT and it being vintage Donkey Kong of course Drew thought that was so cute. So daddy shelled out the money and Alex got his stuffed monkey and.... you guessed it, by the time they got home Alex didn't want anything to do with it. AHH the joys of parenthood. I love watching my children raise their children. I love how different the are but at the same time exactly the same as they were.

Alex's First Snow

Nana swept off the steps so Mommy and I could go turn on the extra light in the hen house to keep the chickens warm for the night.

This is me standing in front of my wagon and the little hill that my Nana calls, "Alex's Mountain" I like climbing it and then sliding down the other side.

Thoughful Snowy Saturday

Woke up this morning to the ground all covered with a dusting of snow. Then about 15 mins. ago it started snowing and at first just really lightly, you could hardly tell that it was snowing but now bigger and bigger flakes and lots of them. The ground is nice and frozen so what is falling will stay for awhile. There is just something about snow that is so mesmerizing but maybe what it is, is the fact that it is so special because it doesn't come very often. The Christmas time this year has made me really miss Erin. I would love to have her here for a little while to share the holiday with. I can only hope that some day Angela and her family will be a part of our holidays. It is really hard to have family that you love so much to pull away with no explanation, they are just gone. I've reached out and reached out but I am obviously not what they want in a mom or a family? Don't know and maybe that is the hardest part, not sure. In a family each of us have our own ways of being and doing and all of us have our imperfections but in a real family there has to be tolerance and acceptance and to love one another in spite of our frailties. The end of the year has always been such a time for me to think about and assess my life and this is the first year in a long time that I have felt like I am worth something, that I am strong and can get through whatever comes my way. It is also a time that makes me want to hold my family close and give out love and get love from them. I want for all my family and friends to know just how important and special they are to me in their own unique ways, their unique beings. I don't think I have been so excepting of others as much as I have during this past year. I was already changing and getting there and then this past year and all it's ups and downs have made me realize how much I am blessed with. I will never be able to thank Erin, Drew and Frances enough for their support this last year. If not for them I wouldn't be here any longer but they showed me how loved I was and how much worth that I was to them and it got me through the worst time ever. I love all of you and look forward to a new year and new joys.